Day 006: The night before leaving Marlton going back to Colorado for a long time

I’m writing this after finishing the appreciation. If you’re anything like me and you feel awkward for other people then I suggest that you do not read this, unless of course you’re okay with feeling awkward or uncomfortable (which actually an incredibly powerful place to come from) then by all means, read it. Actually the entire point of that last sentence was to convince you to read it. So yea

 

The night before leaving Marlton going back to Colorado for a long time. My ritual for this night has changed over the past 5 years or so. Back when we began college I’d usually go to Ryan’s house and all of us would hang out until sometime after midnight. We’d all dip at the same time and walk back to our cars, hug, say bye. That ride back to my house those nights were always tough. I remember always putting on sad songs to really get my emotions rolling. What can I say, I fucking love my friends and it sucked every time leaving. Over 5 years it gets easier, but man, those first 2 it seemed to get harder and harder. That ritual changed when Cass decided to have a baby, hahaha, thanks a lot Jake .

Anyways the ritual eventually shifted at some point. Now, and for the past 2 years or so, I find myself, almost inadvertently, walking around my house looking at pictures, one is in a boat shaped picture frame of my sister and I when we were kids at Lake George. Or my really cool 5th grade laser background picture. My current profile picture is a result of me doing this exact ritual 2 days ago. I loved my childhood, I felt like I was a happy kid, except for the basically daily crying, actually that was part of the fun, allowing yourself to feel emotions has gotten harder the older I get (I imagine that’s true for most). I’ll take an old picture of me and look at it and try to think/remember what I was thinking or what kind of worldview I had at the time. I think about what life events will happen in my life that year.

As weird as this sounds, in a way I think this whole walk around the house is me kind of saying bye to my house. The same house I lived in for the first 18 years of my life. I love that house. and I miss it. Great choice Mom and Dad. Oh wow, just realized this – I bet the switch of rituals happened perfectly in line with when I started to consider my place in Colorado my “home” and not 104. I don’t believe that was a conscious change.

Thank you “The night before leaving Marlton going back to Colorado for a long time.” you help me to truly and genuinely appreciate what I am leaving when I step on that plane. Friends, Family, House, Comfort.

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